I can’t think of a witty title

I haven’t blogged lately because I had my tonsils taken out three weeks ago.  It was not fun, though I did find the induction of anesthesia to be strangely enjoyable.  Now that I feel like a human again here is a random and hopefully funny story.  It is entirely true.

The scene: Des Moines airport.  (For the record, “Des Moines” is pronounced “De Moyne”  the esses are silent.)  I’m about to get on a plane home for winter break, a wonderful month away from the cold and snow of Grinnell.

As I approached the ticket counter, I anticipated trouble.  I’m always selected for “random” searches.  I did not expect what happened next.

The ticket counter guy informed me that there was bad weather in Memphis and that the plane had to be under a certian weight limit.  TCG (ticket counter guy) told me all about the wonderful voucher for a hotel and a flight the next day that I would be given for my trouble.  Apparently, TCG was trying to cut me from the flight list.

I was tired.  A week of exams and very little sleep made me a bit annoyed.  I stared at TCG wondering why they thought that my 120 pounds (on a 1.73 m/5′ 8″ frame) of body plus around 10 pounds of luggage was enough to endanger the flight.  I respectfully turned down the “offer”/”order” and told TCG that I had to be in Memphis by 5:00pm.  I had important things to do.  Like sleep.

TCG begrudgingly allowed me to board the pane after realizing that I probably wouldn’t upset the balance of the plane.  When I got to my seat (D1, I think), I found that the person next to me was a very….large lady.  Upwards of 300 pounds.  I realized that life is hilarious.  TCG tried to keep me off the plane for saftey reasons but my neighbor was apparently not a threat.  TCG told me that the plane had to be extra light because of the turbulence in Memphis.  I squeezed into my seat and setteled down for a mid flight nap.  I put my elbow on the armrest and noted how very soft it was.

Much to my chagrin, the “armrest” turned out to by my neighbor’s arm.  She was not amused.  I offered her a candy cane I had in my coat pocket.  She was placated by this gesture of concilliation.  I spent the rest of the flight with my arms crossed in an attempt to avoid being a repeat offender of the personal space law.

We landed safely and I had a wonderful winter break.  But I will never again assume that an airline upgraded the padding of their armrests without checking to make sure that padding isn’t actually the flesh of the person sitting next to me.

Thus ends the random story.